Sharing your life with someone else is both thrilling and horrifying. Taking the risk of sharing your living space with your significant other can be the best and the worst thing that has ever happened to you, them and your relationship. Sharing the costs, the living space and everything that goes with it can take the romance out of every relationship. That is why many couples wonder – When is the right time to move in together? And, indeed, when? First of all, let us say that we have no way of knowing what you should do exactly. But what we can do is give you some useful tips. Taking all of our advice into account you will be completely capable of making this decision yourself. So, grab your significant other and start taking notes.
When to start living with your partner?
Studies show that most couples move in during the first year of their relationship. The same studies about moving in together show that most people age 18 to 24 think that couples should wait after they are married to move in together. What does that tell us? Well, to be frank, it tells us that people don’t know what is the right time to move in together.
And the reason they don’t know this because they focus on the quantity of relationship, and not on the quality. It doesn’t matter if you have been together 6 months or two years. It matters how you have spent that time. Have you and your partner ever went away for a day or two? Spent the night together? Shared responsibilities or bills? All of these things can show you if you are a right fit much better than the number of days.
Should we both have a job before we move in together?
Having a steady job means a lot. Not only do you have a steady income and can become more independent, but you also get used to the responsibilities and everything else that goes along with the adult life. When it comes to deciding when you should move in with your partner, it isn’t recommended to do so before your first job. Why? Because, chances are, you are not mature enough. If your parents are taking care of your needs and you are still in school, that means that in a way you are still a kid. And living with your partner is a serious commitment and a responsibility. There is no reason to rush, take your time and enjoy being without problems. They will come.
And if you are both adults and struggling to find a good job, you should make any major financial commitments until at least one of you is secured. The stress of moving in together is big enough, there is no need to increase it by constantly worried about income. Of course, every situation is different, but have in mind a couple of these universal guidelines when it comes to the right time to move in with your partner.
Should we start living alone, or move in with families?
Okay, this is a tough one. When two people who are in a relationship decide to live together two things can happen. Either they move in into a new place they are both unfamiliar with, or one of them moves in with the other. In the second situation more often than not, they move into a place where he lives with his family. That can be quite tricky.
When we talked about the right time to move in together, we said that it’s not about the time but about the person. By the time you talk about this important step you already know his or her family. This can help you make this decision.
If you need to save money, at least for the time being, you should move in with the in-laws. Being rent free is a big relief. But, if there is a major conflict between you, them and the family, do not go for this option. It is cruel to say, but it is also true – many relationships died taking this path. Moving in is such a stressful thing, why make the time after the move even worse?
How should we separate the costs and divide the responsibilities?
Answering the question mentioned above is the reason why people dread moving in together with their significant other. There is no right answer, for sure, but there are things that should not be allowed. It is not fair for one person, whoever that person is, to be responsible for all the bills, food etc. The person who makes more money can contribute more, but both partners should participate. Same goes for responsibilities. If one of you works harder they should be allowed to do less in the house. But not the other way around. There are no male and female jobs, there are only people who are fair to their partner and there is that.
A FEW TIPS ABOUT THE RIGHT TIME TO MOVE IN TOGETHER
- The right time to move in together should be when both couples agree to it, and there is no pressure from one side
- What works for someone else might not work for you, so do not compare yourself to others
- Do not take advice from online magazines and your great-great-ants, you know best when you feel comfortable enough to share everything with someone else
- Be respectful, tolerant and kind – when you learn how to do that, that is the right time to move in together